Must-read: Pointy the Pointsettia

The man closed the door to the truck. Soon, the truck was moving again. Pointy imagined being carried into an office where all the people would smile and say, "What a beautiful poinsettia! How pretty it is, with its big red and green leaves! Merry Christmas!"

While Pointy was imagining this, the truck stopped in front of another building. The back door to the truck was opened, and suddenly Pointy was in the man’s hands, being carried outside.

"This is it," thought Pointy, "I’m about to make many people happy! I can’t wait to see their smiles, and hear them say ‘Merry Christmas!’"

The man brought Pointy up some stairs and then through a glass door. There was a woman at a desk just inside the door. Pointy tried to make his big, red leaves stand up as straight and proud as possible. As he did so, he heard the woman say:

"What the hell is that?..."

Read the whole delightful tale, and forward to everyone. Make sure SulDog gets credit.

Then, listen to "The Littlest Christmas Tree", and your Christmas vegetation media consumption quota will have been filled.

A year ago

It was about a year ago that I bought the Melissa Etheridge Christmas album, "A New thought for Christmas". I enjoy exploring more recent Christmas music, and I've liked Etheridge for years now. There are many good tracks on the album, but one of the most powerful was definitely "Christmas in America", which contains these lines:

The girls are down at Ruby's
trying to find some Christmas cheer
There's not much to do but drink too much
When every day is unclear

So here I am on Christmas Eve
This silent holy night
And I reach up to the stars for you
and I pray that you're all right

Hey mister, send my baby home
This December, don't wanna be all alone
It's Christmas in America, I need you in my arms
Far away from harm
Mister, send my baby home

I bought this album in late November, when the glow of Obama's victory was still fresh. I'd listen to this song, thinking next year, it will be different! President Obama, well into the flow of his presidency, will have pulled us out of these thankless occupations -- occupations with too little investment to result in nation-building, yet too much to avoid real damage. Obama is going to end the madness. I got to the point where I would heartily sing along, replacing the word "mis-ter" with a rather bunched up "Oba-ma, send my baby home." Because I knew he'd do that for all those with a part of their soul wearing a uniform in Asia.

But no, how wrong I was. Obama is going to double down on the madness, thinking that we can pacify Afghanistan in a way the Russian and British couldn't if we just send more people and money there. Thirty thousand more kids, trained to kill, instead forced to act as community organizers/cops/civil corps in an alien culture. The same crap that we got with Bush -- the same mission creep, the same vague goals, the same implausible exit strategy. It's been batted around to death for a couple weeks now, but in the end this is exactly the move I would have expected McCain, or Bush himself, to make.

Last year in 2008, I'd listen to "Christmas in America", eyes watering, thinking that in 2009 that song would be losing relevance. Instead, it will be every bit as meaningful in 2009...and 2010...and 2011...and...

What a train wreck...

"They can’t mess with our religion," Mr. Johnson told The Boston Globe. "They owe us a small lump sum for this."

This statement encapsulates the current brouhaha in Taunton. In sum:

[A student's] father, Charles Johnson, stirred up controversy when he told reporters of various newspapers this week that his son was suspended for drawing a picture of the crucifixion as part of a class project to draw a picture about the holidays.

... District officials say the boy told his teacher that it was himself on the cross, not Jesus. The drawing was not part of a school project. The boy was not suspended from school, but rather given a psychological evaluation out of concern that the picture was a cry for help. The picture circulated by the media is not the same one that prompted teachers to report the boy.

The town’s mayor called for [the superintendent] to apologize to the boy and his family. But he has since decided to back the school’s decisions.

The Christian Science Monitor, there. Area columnists such as this dingbat, this fool, and that moron are trying to feel outraged, not even mentioning the lack of factual clarity in this situation. It's reminiscent of the Gates Arrest affair, where we had a he-said/he-said disagreement about basic facts that occluded any chance of seeing what really happened. Some people remain determined not to learn their lesson, but would rather implicate one side based on no real knowledge whatsoever. Thus the media stampedes to finger-pointing, oblivious of their own obliviousness.

I find it suspicious that a teacher could, or would, single-handedly order a psychological evaluation of a child. I find it odd that the aggrieved party starts demanding monetary compensation from Minute One. I find it curious that the mayor changed positions quickly, even at the cost of opening himself up. I find it disturbing that some people just love the idea of being persecuted. I wouldn't be the faintest bit surprised to learn that this father has what the media likes to call a "colorful history". You don't convert that fast from victimization to extortion without lots of practice.

Now, the school did make a mistake in presuming that this young child knew the true nature of a cross. Apparently, he had recently visited a large, religious seasonal lighting display, where I'm sure Jesus on the cross was visible. However, a young mind may not realize that the cross was an instrument of torture, pain, and execution...he may well think that's just "where Jesus is", just as Santa is in a sleigh. The connection adults create between a cross and pain is not necessarily in the mind of a child, where the cross is mainly a symbol of some ideas he is told to believe. Without clarifying that issue (which the school apparently failed to do), there resulted a rush to judgment. As usual the purported victim, the child, is quickly becoming rather ignored.

The same sort of rush to judgment that is happening now in the media. In their eagerness to drive the bandwagon, they haven't checked for its integrity. I would suggest cooling down, waiting for the facts or even reconciling oneself to the idea that the facts may never be known, instead of a starting a new Christmas Persecution.

Not that that's going to happen.

The War by Christmas

It was an unnecessary war declared quite some time ago without a clear exit strategy, where the tide is running against conservative dreams, yet it is still cheered on by Fox News and their friends despite all evidence. Iraq? No, the War by Christmas.

That's not a typo, and it is something that needs clarification up front...we don't have a case of a recently declared "war on Christmas" in America that seeks to victimize delicate Christians, but rather a new phase in a centuries-long war declared and conducted by Christmas. The war was begun by Christmas, and I see no reason to ease up now that the aggressors are seeing the tide reverse. From now on, I will refer to this conflict by the historically accurate name "War by Christmas" and encourage you to do the same.

You likely know the full story. The most primitive of humans knew that life was warmer, better, more comfortable with more time with that bright thing in the sky. The two greatest miracles of their world were childbirth and the sun, so no small wonder that almost every culture assigned an Earth-mother and a Sun-god. However, on a yearly basis the sun seemed to be moving away, and weakening. Their god was dying. And every year, somehow, at the point of death, the Sun-god returned and grew again in strength.

We call it an astronomical event, the winter solstice. They turned it into a seminal religious feast. This near-dodge with the end of the world was a solemn annual moment, and inspired a wide range of rituals that would occur in late December. The Incans tied a celestial rope to the sun lest it stray too far away. The Kalash of Hindu Kush still offer dances and praise. Egyptians honored Aset. European pagans and their early Roman neighbors celebrated Saturnalia in late December. Most Romans marked the feast of Natalis Sol Invictus -- the Birth of Mithras, the Unconquered Sun -- on December 25th. Mithras became known to the Roman in the second century BC as a sun-god of Persian background who was born of a virgin mother, and would later die and resurrect in order to offer salvation to all. (Mithraism was as fundamental to the final shape of Christianity as Judaism. It is as accurate to say that Paul and Luke set out to spread Christianity to Mithraists as it is to say they were targeting Gentiles.)

Then the Christians came. Insofar as we can trust the Christian Bible with the label of "history", we are told that Jesus' birth occurred as "shepherds were outside, keeping watch over their flocks by night" (Luke 2:8). Shepherds only lived outside with their flocks while the sheep might be birthing -- something that only happened in springtime.

However, by the early 3rd century, the Christian church moved the feast of Jesus' birth lock, stock, and barrel to December 25th. A few days from the winter solstice and the exact day of the birth of Mithras. When exactly this occurred, we don't know, as the Catholic Church has a long history of keeping inadequate and questionable records on things like historical developments, treasury, and personnel shufflings. So when Emperor Constantine decided to use the Roman army to force Christianity on all, the die was cast. Christmas had declared war on all comers. Several centuries later, it is losing the war it began.

So don't give me this "War on Christmas" BS. About 1,700 years ago, Christmas declared a war in which it is experiencing a reverse. So Fox "News", the AFA, and the rest of you morons, stop complaining.

A belated happy rebirth to all

Well, the good news is that we're all still here. After the longest night, the sun was reborn this morning, and all appears well with the universe. Happily, the sun was reborn on its own without needing bloodletting or human sacrifice, animal offerings, or even the casting of old materials on the ground. All is not lost, however -- I am given to believe that many others have properly installed a decorated tree in their homes as befits celebrating the Winter Solstice. Oddly, they somehow believe this to be connected to a desert legend in Southwest Asia. Although this day is no longer a rite of near-universal observation as it once was, at least many people continue to inadvertently celebrate what the Romans lyrically named Sol Invictus, or the Feast of the Unconquered Sun.

If nothing else, we can have a further spring in our step as the days grow incrementally longer. Also, all those johnny-come-lately holidays -- Saturnalia, Hanukkah, Christmas, and Kwanzaa -- that try to piggyback on the solemnity and widespread observation of this first true holiday can go on apace. Happy Rebirth, everyone.

Last-second shopping tips

I went through a phase where I was working in the Braintree mall, at a somewhat upscale store. I saw and learned a few things, so I humbly offer my readers some lessons learned from working over the sound of three years' worth of Christmas music. Frankly, I should have posted this two weeks ago, but it didn't dawn on me:

• Just park already You can park a little further away from the mall and walk for 10 minutes, or you can circle the lot for 20 minutes, getting frustrated as you just miss this space and that space.
  
  
• Park behind the mall The anchor stores and food court operators want you to park right in front so you have to be tempted by their wares. Don't fall for it. Circle behind the mall -- many places have back entrances that most shoppers don't see. Or, park near the exterior entrance of a less popular store.
  
  
• Know what you're getting into before requesting gift wrap Gift wrappers in stores aren't necessarily particulalry qualified, and the waiting time is hardly worth it. I'm one of the last people who should be wrapping gifts, and even I was commissioned from time to time.
  
  
• Look on lower shelves Of course, retail outlets put all their big-ticket or desperate-to-move items at eye level. The better deals are further down. Places such as Brookstone hide some of the most interesting stuff out of the way.
  
  
• Look near the register at upscale places A lot of upscale stocking stuffers" make great gifts for humble folks such as you or I, and an impulse purchase for the rich at Restoration Hardware or Pier 21 makes for a great deliberate buy for the rest of us. As stocking stuffers are placed near the registers for impulse buys, check out the registers of upscale places; or put together a couple of finds from other stores.
  
  
• Go tonight The Monday night before Christmas is shockingly dead in malls. Dead. Tuesday night is often decent as well; throughout the holiday season, you will pretty much have the mall to yourself on Monday nights. That's when I go. If you go during the weekend, you just deserve what happens to you.
  
  

I don't know if this helps, but there you go.

Two Christmas classics

Noternie links to the eternal "Littlest Christmas Tree".

Suldog weighs in with the gorgeous "Pointy the Poinsettia".

Both worth reading.

Top Christmas Carols

I will admit, that Christmas gets me giddy. I love the spirit, the decorations, the food, and yes the music. Not only the traditional carols, but modern interpretations and additions. After all, one can only take so much Bing Crosby in the malls. Below is my top list of admittedly standard and schmaltzy New Christmas Carols -- some well-publicized, and others not so much:

"Santa Claus is Coming to Town" by Bruce Springsteen
"Little Saint Nick" by The Beach Boys
"Twelve Days of Christmas" by Bob and Doug McKenzie
"Christmas in Hollis" by RUN DMC
"Mad Russian's Tale" and "The Three Kings and I (What Really Happened) by Trans-Siberian Orchestra
"Sleigh Ride" and "Mary's Boy Child" and most anything by The Boston Pops
"Baby It's Cold Outside" by Tom Jones and Cerys
"Happy Xmas (War is Over)" by Melissa Etheridge
"Cantique de Noel" by Mannheim Steamroller
"Blue Christmas" by Elvis Presley
"Joy to the World" by Diana Ross and the Supremes
"Go Tell it On the Mountain" and "Do you See What I See?" by Vanessa Williams
"You're a Mean One Mister Grinch" by Boris Karloff
"Christmas Auld Lang Syne" by Gloria Estefan

What about you?

PS: I will be disappointed if some music snob blog doesn't link to this post as an example of the pedestrian tastes of the hoi polloi who can't appreciate the cacophonous attempts at Christmas ennui by better artists.

Gather round my children, and I will tell tales of war...

As Thanksgiving passes, we gather round and and tell stories of the endless war. Poverty? Drugs? Terror? Nope. The War on Christmas. Some may say that war is glorious, but "war is cruelty, and you cannot refine it." Sure Spielberg makes it look glorious, but you be the one trapped in vines of garland as glass ornaments explode above you. You try assaulting the Fortress of Good with nothing but some sharpened holly leaves, poison oak fashioned to resemble mistletoe, and evil godless intentions. Tell me stories of it now!

Okay, that may be overwrought, kinda like the seasonal cries of conservatives that there is a "war on Christmas" is on. The way that cantankerous would-be soldiers in this war wish you a "Merry Christmas" with chin out and nostrils flaring, just daring you to respond with an insufficient "Happy Holidays!" The mind games they play with store clerks making $7/hour who will probably get laid off in a month. And the thing of it all is, though I am proud and firm in my atheism, I agree with them. But for different reasons.

Because I think that it is time to liberate the word "Christmas" from the dusty, mournful still-life mishmash of early religious writers trying to fill in backstory to make even older religious writers seem prescient. Happily, our culture has writ the joyful trumpeting of angels across this feast.

We've drowned out the ominous observance of the Saturnalis Christmas to remember the virgin birth of baby Mithra Jesus born in Nazareth Bethlehem to one day die and rise again to save mankind as is the duty of Adonis the Son of Man. Because in 2007, America's Christmas is more, and I would say better than that.

I love the music of it, the lights. I love candy canes and yes -- mistletoe. I love this joyful conspiracy to fête a jolly man who gives freely to those deserving, and embodies humankind on its best. I love that the Grinch's heart grew three sizes that day, that Keith Lockhart conducts the heck out of a Christmas concert, that I'm almost in my 30s and still have a stocking. So yes, wish me a Merry Christmas.

That is worth celebrating. The goodness of man being kind to man, people smiling and wearing silly hats. And if I'm wrong and there is a Jesus, I imagine that he'd be pretty pleased with what his birthday has become.*

* Yes, I'm ignoring the excess consumerism that drives people to go to stores at 4am the day after Thanksgiving. I ignore it in this post, and I ignore it in my life. I don't let anybody ruin my Christmas, especially Madison Avenue. But if you want some Christmas humbuggery, here's some stand-up from Jim Gaffigan for ya.



His Easter stuff isn't as funny as Eddie Izzard's, though: