Saturday, May 24, 2008

What was Hillary thinking

In the wake of her inartful comments about RFK's assassination -- that Hope Central is using to attack her -- I've read a few variants on "what was she thinking?" How about this:

Jesus Christ, another one of these. Where the hell am I, anyway? McAuliffe promised me that Iowa, Nevada, a few other states, and it would be over. I never expected to be talking to every Pennysaver operation published on the Great Plains.

Another two-bit newspaper, asking questions I've answered thousands of times. Asking questions I answer seven times a day. But these self-important small-time journalists want to feel big just once in their lives, so here we go.

Do you think Shirley Chisholm went through this? She's lionized now as a groundbreaker, but I bet from day one the pundits were telling her to shut up and go home. Funny how we never hear about them anymore.

I suppose we could skip this "meeting" if we were in a state with a decent number of Democrats...or people. But noooo...the votes of the three Democrats of South Dakota count more than the votes of the Democrats of Florida. Still don't get that one. Well, I do get was a dumb move, and the people must be punished. Idiots.

What's after this? Some cattle ranch, and then talking to Stephanie Herseth's assistant fart catcher, while she hypes Obama. Obama. Jesus, Barack...get over yourself and stop refusing to put me on as VP. that's what most Democrats want...including the working class and Latino voters you just can't win. I can't win African-Americans and upper middle class. We can help each need me in North Carolina, Arkansas, Florida, Nevada...God knows where else. Edwards was right...Obama's a nice guy who doesn't have what it takes to win.

Edwards. Heh, another Richardson type...happy to play both sides of the street until they think it's safe to take a stand. And they talk about leadership.

Hell, I want this whole thing over, too. I haven't spent a week in the same place for months. I'm a multi-millionaire. I'm a respected and feared Senator, a mother with a classy daughter, and a husband who was the most successful president of our lifetimes (they've lied about him as much as about me). The media hates me -- what else is new -- and a loud sliver of the Democratic Party hates me. It's not enough for them to see Obama win, they want to see me lose. Christ, how long has it been since I wore shorts for a whole day? The pundits are bored now, and everyone wants it to be Obama v McCain and wants me to shut up. Why not give them what they want?

Because I did this shit for several years, and they want me to shut up two weeks from the finish line. Because they have no attention span, and it ticks them off that not everyone has signed on to their little program. It ticks them off that some people still like me. It ticks them off that I'm still here, and most people in Puerto Rico want to vote for me, and thousands of people in Montana and South Dakota do, too. It's gonna make them uncomfortable to see thousands of people still voicing their own opinion that maybe Obama isn't so great after all...even though they don't care that 1 out of 4 Republicans are still telling McCain to get stuffed. Even though this shit keeps McCain off the front page and holding sad little barbecues in Arizona.

Okay, speech is winding down and lo and behold he has a we go again. "Why am I in the race?" Why the hell not? This is the closest nomination race in decades, and I didn't come all this way to give up when Chris Matthews' leg gets tingly.

Cue answer: I'm the natural substitute in case something happens to Barack. Is anything going to happen? Of course not...but I'm not going to back out two weeks away from the finish line after two years of this crap.

Offer examples: how about 1980, when Ted Kennedy contested the nomination at the convention with a fraction of the odds that I have. Did the media try to push him back into the kitchen? Nooo...he was a Kennedy, even if he was undermining a sitting president in serious trouble, everyone ate it up. Ted...poor Ted. We can't lose him. These days we need every Kennedy in the Senate we can get. How many tragedies can they stand...

The presidential campaign is an exhausting, nearly endless exercise in superficiality that demands the tolerance and patience of a Paris Hilton while also the incisiveness and smarts of a James Wolcott. It's a testament to the professionalism of Obama, Clinton, and McCain that more of this stuff doesn't happen everyday.