Sunday, October 5, 2008

SNL misses their chance

scene: SNL Produces Lorne Michaels walks into the writers' room

Michaels: Good news everyone! Not only have we talked Tina Fey into coming back to open the show as Sarah Palin, we are going to have a real live Oscar nominee on stage with her -- Queen Latifah! Star power, baby!
Pale Writer: Done! This VP debate skit is going to blow them out of the water! Palin is the gift that won't stop giving, and we got her nailed this time! Hey, see if the prop department can scare up a flute...
Network Guy: The hype is already huge...this will probably be our biggest audience of the season leading in! We're back baby! Back! Chris Rock and Dana Carvey can kiss my ass! Hey Lorne -- fist jab!
(incredibly awkward fist jab between Network Guy and Lorne Michaels)
Michaels: Okay. We got a killer musical guest, a decent host. Great opening skit. We limp through the opening monologue, and the second half of the one-two punch. What is it?
(Awkward silence. A tumbleweed blows through the room as the writers concentrate on the laptop in front of them.)
Bearded Writer: Umm...can we extend the VP debate skit for twenty minutes? Like, just have Fey read the transcript from the debate?
Michaels: No! We need relevance! This is our big moment...we need to pull a Church Lady out, a Wayne's World -- something people will quote around the water cooler on Monday! We need something people care about right now! Think dammit!
Lady Writer: The bailout?
Minority Writer: Gas prices?
Overeducated Writer: Brittany Spears?
Canadian Writer: OJ Simpson?
Michaels: No, no, and no! All that stuff is too trendy, we're going for timeless...something that everyone will key into! Something that will hold that audience for a few commercial breaks -- this is our biggest chance of the year, don't screw it up!
Old Writer: I got an idea, but it takes guts. We have to be ready for some blowback here because no other show would dare touch it. We've talked about this Lauren...
Lauren: You're not actually serious. I mean, do we really have the guts.
Old Writer: This is it. We have to do it now. Let's pull out all the stops and go after...the Lawrence Welk Show!
(Silence grips the room as Michaels' face slowly broadens into a smile)
Michaels: Genius! If lampooning a fifty-year old show doesn't bring us back, nothing will! Do it! Watch out Lawrence!

No comments: