Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The Ballad of Joe the Plumber

Sung in the tune of "angry", preferably in an ill-fitting suit and black tie.

O, Joe is a cracking plumber,
The bestest that could ever be
And Joe is an Ohio plumber,
I just wish he'd vote for me.

Verse I
I'll cut Joe's taxes, cut them deep,
I'll give him his guv'mint for free
I'll slash Joe's taxes, slash them deep,
'Specially if he's as rich as me!

Verse II
I'll defend Joe from that one's terr'rist pals,
The ones in those scary ads on teevee
I'll protect Joe from Barry's terr'rist pals,
That's all my campaign's got left, you see

Verse III
I'll help Joe's health with my super plan,
My tax credit or that one's giant fee
I'll heal Joe's health with my awesome plan,
Wait, his fee is zero? Big news to me!

Verse IV
I'll stop abortions Joe, I'll stop 'em all right now,
It's a hot button issue shucks golly gee
I'll halt abortions Joe, stop 'em all right now,
(Psst, centrists, don't listen now, I plea.)

I'm a maverick, Joe, a rebel, the man you loved!
It's my time, my turn, my chance, me, me, ME!
I'm your maverick Joe, who you once loved...
Can't you see me here on my knee?
I put my country first, you've seen my ads, Joe!
I've fought dirty Joe then, dirtier -- oh, my how!
What happened -- you used to love me Joe!
My Joe, my plumber! Mav'rick Johnny here -- don't leave me now!

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